Is it true she thought she was dying? I had no liver function, no kidney function, I was swollen with the fluid, I had no oxygen in my blood, I literally had 24 hours to get fluid out of my body, otherwise my insides were going to pack in.
You know how sometimes you feel ill and say, 'I feel like I'm dying'? Well, I actually felt like I was dying. I asked the nurse outright — was I going to die? She said, 'There's a possibility. She comes to a shocked stop.
Was she terrified of dying? I can't even describe to you — I was just like, I wish it would hurry up. She asked if she could make her will, and was told that if she didn't improve in 24 hours she should. The critical state lasted 36 hours and she was in hospital for 10 days. She is still spooked by the illness, not least by the fact that the previous year she had climbed Kilimanjaro to raise money for malaria sufferers.
Cole is about to release her second solo album, Messy Little Raindrops. The subject of the album is lost love. More explicitly, it is about being cheated on, the desire for vengeance and the recovery of self-respect. It couldn't be more personal. The only thing missing is a namecheck for her former husband. The songs are so specific, I assume she must have written them, but they have been written for her. On Happy Tears, she sings, "I cried when I heard you were cheating, I cried when I said I was leaving, I cried when my heart stopped believing… I cried when I slashed all your tyres, I cried when your suit hit the fire, I cried cos I knew I'd never see you again… but those were happy tears.
Let's talk about those lyrics, I say. She gives me a wary look, and stresses that she didn't write them. I've dealt with anger for two years now, so I'm on top of it. It was two years ago there were first allegations of Ashley Cole's cheating.
At the time, Cheryl said it was just malicious gossip. Did she already know the first time, or did she learn about it through newspapers? I'm a bit numb. I've dealt with a lot of it. A lot of it on my own," She's speaking faster and louder now, and you can hear the upset in her voice. More than anger. I'm a human. I'm still a person, you know. I know to a lot of people the headlines and the stories they read are like some sick entertainment or soap opera, but it's my life and I'm really dealing with it, and it's really happening.
It's my real life. Of course I was embarrassed. The strange thing is, she's so widely adored and loved by people who don't know her, and yet her husband just goes off with a stranger who means nothing to him. I listened to an album.
Music is a big healer. One thing that emerges strongly from the new album is that Cole does not regard herself as a victim. It had helped them through a situation, and that's the best feeling ever. I haven't had time to deal with everything yet — even to reach that point where I'm thinking like that. It's not like I'm talking to you about something that's in my past. It's very present.
If it had happened five years ago, it might be easier to answer your question. Cole always hated being talked of as a football Wag — she made it clear she had her own successful career. At The X Factor studios, we are a few yards from Wembley Stadium, where the wives and girlfriends would turn out to watch their partners represent England. It must be a relief that she no longer has to do that, I say. It put you in the position of not being a person, just being the wife of someone, and I'm very uncomfortable with that — not in terms of going to Wembley to support your husband, but in terms of what that tag means and how you're perceived.
Cole is not the first woman whose footballer partner cheated on her. This year, it seems that half the England team have been on the front pages for the same thing. Why is what happened to her so common in the football world? And now she really is upset — whether it's with me, or my wording, or everything we're talking about, I don't know. I hate that. It didn't happen to me. It's someone else's actions.
The malaria happened to me. I just hate it. Hate it. Hate the whole fucking thing. She gulps, and chokes back a tear. Look, she says, the fact that Ashley Cole is a footballer isn't relevant. When your heart is breaking, your heart's breaking — it makes no difference what either of you do.
Just for me personally, that was my choice. Cole, now 27, always wanted to be a successful singer. Not famous, she stresses, just successful. She grew up on a rough council estate in Newcastle. So many kids drank and took drugs and ruined themselves before they'd even embarked on adulthood. Her parents separated when she was 11, she was suspended from school twice for fighting, and for swearing and her brother was in regular trouble with the law.
But there was always something special about young Cheryl — she won Boots' bonniest baby competition, was named World Star Of Future Modelling at the age of six and appeared in TV commercials for British Gas. When she made her first appearance on Popstars: The Rivals , the show that created Girls Aloud, she looked like a pretty little street fighter.
She had crooked teeth, a bit of a belly, and was at home in her tracky bottoms. I ask if she's seen the oft-repeated TV show documenting her transformation from "chav" to "people's princess". She smiles. I'm not ashamed of that. I love that. You know what, a lot of people that don't have that are worse off because they're not street-smart.
I find it all a bit… weird. Of course, she says, she was different when she won — back then, she was a teenager; now, she's a woman. Has her character changed? I might have chilled out a bit and grown up a lot. And some. Just after winning Popstars: The Rivals, she almost killed her embryonic career. In January , Cole got involved in a fight with a nightclub toilet attendant and was charged with racially aggravated assault and assault occasioning actual bodily harm.
The prosecution said she was "high on fame" while the judge described the attack as "an unpleasant piece of drunken violence". Cole pleaded self-defence. The jury cleared her of the racist element, but found her guilty of assault occasioning actual bodily harm. Did getting into trouble back then strengthen her in the long run? It wasn't just a little bit of trouble, it was a big thing. It was a few weeks in, and I actually thought, 'This is the real ugly side to fame. Brutally so.
And this was my first experience with the opposite. And the decision was ultimately a costly one. In November , the case was settled out-of-court and an undisclosed sum was paid out to the star.
I became so desensitised, you could say terrible things to me and I wouldn't even think about it. I shut down because I didn't know what else to do. But he wasn't right not to tell me to my face. Something was seriously wrong: it felt like a nervous breakdown. I had to stop, get out of my life I'd been living and find myself again.
The consequences if I didn't were just too frightening. Join thought-provoking conversations, follow other Independent readers and see their replies.
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